Tell 'em to take out their tongues

Oh Austin, how you have made me happy once again. Weekend was awesome. Starting off getting my hair cut and getting drunk by myself to seeing a band that I was once in love with at the sweet tender age of 18ish, AFI.

Friday - Typical day for me on a friday in the ATX. After getting off work, I was exhausted. I layed down on my couch and was dreading getting up to go get a much needed haircut. (my hair stylist person of a lady decided I should grow my hair out. Who knows what that will look like in 3 months!) Once the slaughters of the split-ends ended, I drove down to The Gingerman to try a beer I had never had before. I ended up trying Saint Arnold's Rootbeer thinking that it was some kind of special brew or something they have. I was wrong, it was real rootbeer. I was confused due to that fact that I was a bar drinking a soda? What a cruel joke. After consuming it very quickly and amazing the drunk gentialmen sitting at the bar beside me because they thought I had just down a pint of Guinness, I ordered a Saint Arnold Christmas Brew. It was scrumptious.
 When I finished I decided to go home. The way home obvisouly consist of a detour to Specs Liquor to find more tasty treats. I picked up a sixer of Fireman's 4, Pyramid Hefe and UFO Hefe (Harpoons Unfiltered Offering for those that are curiuos.) I went home and started popping tops. I made a big board to rate the beers and started drinking. (More on the beers on a later date. I'd like to get more than just 3 to try and compare.) This was the beginning of me passing out around 11 o'clock and ending my night.

Saturday - I was originally supposed to work this day, but I am a master of getting myself out of those situations even though I could use the cash. This day started off with a hangover. Everyone (except Clint and Brooke) has had hangovers or the night before love relation with the toliet. Thankfully I just had the lingering headache that will eventually dissolve with greasey foods and Dr. Pepper. This is how I have come to find Conan's Pizza. I curse the people I know here in Austin that have not introduced me to this place. Awesome pizza and even more awesomenesser is that the place looks like it hasn't remodeled since at least the 70s  or early 80s. Wood paneling for the walls and mirrors that were foggy just from years of being in the place.
Getting back home, I did the usualy ritual of sitting on my ass watching College Football like I usually do every saturday. Then, I met up with Clint at his studio. He was pritting some posters for a comedian that was having a show in Conn. (Check out his posters and his blog at http://www.clintprints.com/  good stuff.) I brought some of the beer that was left from the night before and we killed them pretty quick. After helping him a bit on the poster-making-process, we met up with his girlfriend Brooke at Luster Pearl and continued to drink more. Finished the night like any other binge drinker would and went to IHOP.

Sunday - Woke up at 10:30 after only sleeping for 6 hours and met up with my dad. A new tradition my father and I have started is on sundays, go eat lunch and then watch a movie. So, we met up at Which Wich, ate lunch then went to the movies. We saw The Blindside. The movie was awesome. Easily made my top 5 favorite movie list. Everyone should watch it. (I realize this is getting long and quite frankly, I do not feel like summarizing it. I have class in twenty minutes. Just go watch it.) After the movie, I met back up with Clint to go watch AFI at Stubb's Bar-be-Que. Awesome show! I will have more on the show with pictures and some live video.

In all, a pretty uplifting and great weekend. Hope all you guys had a semi to great weekend also.

Jackie big tits is hiding around the corner

Ahhhh, winter, or is it fall? Who has a calendar? Anyways, its some what getting cold. The sun goes down earlier, and nights are filled with laying on the couch wrapped in a blanket. It always seems this time of the year, music is 10 times better as well as the beer.

I'm trying to think of the funny things that have happened to me within the last 4 days, there are some but for the most part, my mind is wondering and going down different paths that life could lead me to. Here are a few potential paths my life could take:

1. School. Right now, I want to go to the University of Colorado for a Journalism degree. Once my car is paid off, I'm done with my job, I'm going to quite. Who needs money when you can't be happy? Working your ass for nothing is complete bullshit. I make alright money given the fact that my education has been compared to that of equal or greater value of a peice of shit stewing in the sun for 10 days and then one morning, you find those shrooms that alter your mind. It ammounts to nothing at the beginning, then something happens and you see something grow with it and you want to build off that sudden boost of liveliness (Pretty sure that makes no effin since.) So, school seems awesome, plus I would be able to explore a different demographic.

2. Knocking up a chick. There is always the thin possibility that my little hunters in my testicle area will hunt for the perfect egg on one drunken night, and penatrate it. Causing me much embarrassement, remorse, and heart-ache. The biggest fear of all is getting drunk, hooking up with a chick, and then having that lady of the night call you and say "motherfucker, you said you wore a condom?" at which time I can only reply "Fuck, not again, where is the abort button?" Wether this will happen will only be up to God and his sick plan to fuck with my life agian. (Probably just received my one way ticket to the underworld)

3. I could straight up die. I am only a man made up of soft tissue, blood, a few organs that probably aren't functioning properly anyways, and bones. I could get hit by a horse drawn carraige, who knows?

In putting out these possibilities, you should decide which route is best suited for me. Obviously, I don't know, or I wouldn't be in this situation. I don't know what else to say, so maybe something good will happen to me and I could talk about it.

Who the Fuck are The Arctic Monkeys?

Friday, Friday, Friday. What a week. Nothing much accomplished except for some more cash. Not going to be a long post because I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I am in Houston though and hopefully something funny/amusing will happen to me in the next 2 days to type about but probably not.

I also been thinking about something. Everytime I go to ask someone about this thing i have been thinking of, I forget what I was thinking about. I finally asked my brother about it. In a Death Cab for Cutie song, he says "I wish we could open our eyes To see in all directions at the same time." Have you ever thought of this? What exactly it may hold? i see foward everyday. Not really clear on the left and right or behind. So you may live to be 80 but you may only see 25% of your life. What have you  missed?

I can't figure how to end this little post, nor do I car at the moment. Proof reading will be done at a later date and more than like, this post will be deleted. haha. Anyways, everyone have a good weekend and remember "You can't spell stupid without DUI!"

Rise and Shine All You Gold Digging Mothers

I was really wanting to post something about my weekend, except nothing exciting happened. The only memorable times of the weekend were this: Sleeping in and being almost 4 hours late to work, watching Men Who Stare at Goats, watching college football, and drinking a beer, burping, then proceeding to throw up a little of my dinner which consisted of wings, french fries and tea. In all, pretty laid back weekend.

But, have you ever been sitting, driving, or just blankly stared at something and realized something funny is going on or think of something that made you laugh your ass off? Well, driving to school last night, this rare occurance rendered its services for my entertainment. While crossing Lamar and Braker, I sent a douchy mass text stating, "I'm am jamming out to Pop music and people in cars are staring at me." My brother sent me a text saying "bePEAs" and that is sort of when it started. Not only were people staring at me, but my brother who lives 2 and a half hours away from correctly guessed the group I was listening to on the radio. It was Black Eye Peas "Tonight is going to be a good night." Directly to my 11 o'clock while sitting at the red light, I saw one of the many homeless persons that roam around Austin, begging for change because they have 2 children and a wife that is leaving him if he doesn't come up with bill and rent money. When I looked his way, I noticed him staring at me with this hurt/angry look on his face. This is when I realized, tonight was not going to be a good night for him, and I honestly beleive from the bottom of my little decaying heart that he beleived it was not going to be a good night for him also. I then started laughing hysterically.

Is it wrong that I find comical value in other peoples misery? No. Is it my fault they are in the situation? Maybe, both sides could be debatable. I could have stayed in school and they could have had my job or, they could have had the job first and beat me to it. Also, is it my fault they made bad decisions by wanting blow or meth rather than paying bills? Nope. So, are these beggers of the street variety off limits? I think not. You may have a different opinion, and that of course is fine. But for me, I will continue to laugh at a bum fight in an alley, a sign that says 'they are hungry', and I will continue to laugh at the choices they have made that led them there.

Final thought. Next time you see a sign that says "Will work for food.", go to that person and say, "Hey, how are you doing? I need my yard mowed and my house cleaned. I will pay you in two grilled cheeses, a hand full of Fritos and a pint of milk." See how many actually will take you up on that offer.

How about now?

Dating back as long as I can remember, which was about 1 and a half years ago, I have wanted to be a writer. Publishing articles on random subjects that others would find entertaining and more importantly, writing a book is all I ever can think about. I am not sure if it is just me wanting this pretend life that is filled with a fast paced life or if I could be legit and really do this.

So, here is how my life has come to this point. I failed/dropped out of three schools. MCC (Waco, Tx), TSTC (Waco, Tx) and North Harris (Houston, Tx). As you can surely see, Waco was bad for me. I had so many friends there, that it was as if I was still living at home. Drinking everynight and trying to attempt to go to school during the day. Didn't work as I wish it would have. But now, after all my failures, I have my head on my shoulders, cash for boozes, friends who are either awesome or just off the wall crazy, and my future in perspective for me.

In conclusion, the life I live which is mainly full of boredom and chronic masturbation, I am writing this blog. Not for entertainment, but for my future. (Wow, my first blog ever and I am already lying.) This is for anyone that understands crude jokes and loves to laugh at a poor basterds lonely life. I will also be doing critiques on books (I tend to read alot in my spare time), music (which is the second most important thing in my life next to killing my unborn babies on a daily basis) and shows that I attend. This will be the majority of the writing I do, because at this juncture in my life, I am at a stand still with my personal life. Contributing to this stand still, is that fact that a majority of my friends are lame and do not want to travel the 2 and a half hour drive to Austin. But, that is fine, I don't want to drive the 2 and half hour drive to the country.

So,enjoy.